


he told me i was holy

by liketogetlost



Category: From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series
Genre: Anxiety, Don't Worry It's Sappy AF TBH, Drug Use, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 13:19:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4102462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liketogetlost/pseuds/liketogetlost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seth is almost like a wild animal himself when he fights. When it’s all over he’s panting, sweaty and covered in the vibrant red blood that seems to follow them wherever they go. </p><p>But when Kate looks at him she still sees a wounded bird, wings broken and left on the side of the road.</p><p>(Just how I see s2 going.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	he told me i was holy

Knife, stake, gun, blade, scythes, or a chainsaw. They all get the same result and do what they were made to do. Kill.

 

Kate prefers her crossbow.

 

She’s comforted by the weight of it in her grip, the loaded spring releasing, the slice of the arrow through the air and the way it lands deep and final in the heart of her target. It’s the least intimate of all the weapons for her, even a gun feels almost personal. She can slay from across the room, without having to feel the hot pass of a culebra’s retched breath over her face, or the spray of their stolen blood on her cheek.

 

The last time she used a stake, felt that horrible and ultimate pop of the dagger piercing the culebra’s heart, she saw her daddy’s face.

 

Her crossbow is a practical and distant way of killing.

 

Seth likes more hand to hand combat.

 

A stake or a blade is his favorite. He gets almost intimate with his targets, wrestling and fighting, punching and pulling. He looks into the eyes of the monster he’s slaying as he buries his weapon deep into its chest.

 

Seth is almost like a wild animal himself when he fights. When it’s all over he’s panting, sweaty and covered in the vibrant red blood that seems to follow them wherever they go.

 

But when Kate looks at him she still sees a wounded bird, wings broken and left on the side of the road.

 

\--

 

Kate doesn’t sleep much these days.

 

It’s not that she isn’t tired, because she is. Exhaustion weighs her every step, makes life sometimes feel like a dream world. But when she closes her eyes, she sees things she doesn’t want to see. Nightmares still slither like snakes into the recesses of her mind, pulling her out of rest so she can’t escape the harsh reality of the world.

 

But it’s even harder when she sleeps and dreams of happier times. Christmas dinners with her family, lazy sunny days spent at the lake. Her mother’s laughter before it was laced with something sinister that crept its way inside her and wouldn’t leave. Kate sleeps and dreams of her daddy’s sermons, when they meant something to her. Memories of watching dumb horror movies with Scott late at night with the volume turned low so they wouldn’t get caught still manage to haunt her.

 

Kate doesn’t like to think about the happy times. They all seem so tainted now. Tainted by the way her mother fell apart, by how her daddy expected God to put her back together. When she thinks about her old life, it seems like a game she used to play. Like they were all stuck in a dollhouse, plastic furniture and smiles painted on their faces.

 

Her brother decided to become a monster instead of going on with her.

 

Kate realized long ago her family was never happy, and that’s what hurts most of all.

 

Instead of sleeping she stays up most nights, planning jobs and keeping track of their money.

 

She watches Seth when he sleeps. He either sleeps for hours or not at all, depending on how many pills he’s taken that day.

 

Kate doesn’t say anything about the pills. Doesn’t know what she could do to stop Seth from medicating himself in the only way he knows how.

 

She knows there’s a darkness in each pill he swallows, letting it slip into his system and control him. But Kate’s taken on her own addictions, her own distractions, has welcomed darkness into her life.

 

Seth teaches her how to crack a safe and Kate doesn’t say anything about the pills.

 

\--

 

After the night at the Twister, Kate looked at the RV and saw retreat. She saw herself being pulled back into the grip of Bethel. Maybe staying with her aunt and uncle, coming up with a lie about a freak accident that took away the rest of her family.

 

She could be okay eventually. Go to college, meet a boy. Get married and move into a brand new dollhouse.

 

When Kate saw Seth stomping out of the Twister, she saw truth. She saw a person who was so real he was practically raw.

 

Kate remembered the strong arm across her chest in the labyrinth, the way he was always there for her to hold onto.

 

And when they leave, Kate can feel that fate is real. Feels it when she looks at Seth, when he looks at her.

 

If the RV was retreat, Seth and the open road was terrifying but beautiful possibility.

\--

 

Seth bleeds into her like ink on a page.

 

When they’re working she hears someone say things like “lose a little money or your head, which is more important?”, and realizes she’s the one saying them.

 

Seth always chuckles later, looking at her like he’s seeing her for the first time. Shakes his head as he counts bill after bill. “Preacher’s daughter.”

 

Kate slams her crossbow on the table and pulls her shirt over her head, leaving her in her tank. “Don’t call me that.”

 

Kate sees the flash of yellow infection in her daddy’s eyes before it was gone along with his breath and tells Seth he’s an asshole.

 

“Who knew, is all I’m saying.” Seth wraps a rubber band around a stack of hundreds and Kate can feel his eyes on her skin like a sunburn. “You’re damn good, princess.”

 

Kate feels proud of herself, wants to wear it like a badge of honor.

 

She turns around and smirks at him, pulling the stack out of his hand. “Better than Seth Gecko, even?”

 

Seth stands, eyes playful yet dangerous, and grabs the money back from her. “Don’t get cocky now.”

 

Kate bites her lip and loves the way it makes him look at her, the way she feels powerful and warm all over. Sometimes Seth can be distant, other times she feels like he’s in her head, has trouble deciphering his thoughts from her own.

 

He licks his lips and looks down at her, pulls at a thread from her strap until it comes loose. The touch of his fingers brushing her shoulder makes a heat settle in her stomach. She breathes in deep, heart of a rabbit inside her chest.

 

But he steps back, pulling off his jacket and a couple twenties from a stack. Grabs his keys and tells her to lock the door, he’s going to get food.

 

Kate packs the money away in the mattress, lays down on it afterwards. Lets herself sleep for once, lets herself fall into the dollhouse.

 

\--

 

Seth gets drunk one night, takes some pills. Kate has that worried feeling in her stomach like she should take them away, flush them down the toilet. Seth sees the way she looks at him when he swallows and tucks the bottle in his pocket.

 

Kate takes a shot herself because why not. The burn of it in her throat and chest is a welcome pain she can handle.

 

Seth starts talking about El Rey, talking about how he and Richie were going to grow old there. He sits across from her on the bed in his dress shirt and slacks, hair wild from the way he keeps pushing his hand through it. “I don’t even know what I pictured. Fucking -- beaches? White sand and aqua water?” He laughs, shaking his head. “Hot women and freedom.”

 

Kate rolls her eyes, grabbing the bottle from him and pouring herself one more before putting it out of his reach on the bedside table. “Hot women.” She says, downing the shot. She’s gotten pretty good at just swallowing before the bitter taste can settle on her tongue.

 

“Whatever. You know what I mean.” Seth undoes a few buttons on his shirt, licking his lips. “When I was a kid I wanted to live inside a black and white movie. I wanted to be Steve McQueen, riding in on a black horse, gun on my hip and a cowboy hat on my head.”

 

Kate just raises an eyebrow. “What does that have to do with El Rey?”

 

“Same fucking thing. They’re both not real, they’re both fantasies that stupid little boys have.” Seth takes off his shirt, leaving him in his wifebeater, and Kate can’t help the way her gaze follows like smoke across the flames on his skin.

 

“It’s okay to hope for happiness. It’s what makes us human.”

 

Seth looks at her, eyes lidded and disbelieving. “Some people get happy endings, other’s don’t.” Seth scratches at his beard and Kate wonders what it would feel like under her palm.

 

The courage of the shots makes her reach up and touch him, cupping his cheek like a heroine to a hero in an old film. He feels rough and hard where she rubs her thumb over his jaw.

 

Seth looks at her, eyes sad and tired, before his lids close and he sighs her name.

 

“Seth,” her voice sounds small even to her own ears. He opens his eyes and lets her wipe a hot tear from under his eye.

 

Kate wants to tell him he deserves a happy ending, and God help her, but she wants to be the one to save him. She’s not stupid, she knows she’s letting herself cling to him because they’re both covered in the ashes of their old lives. Even if they spend some days not even speaking, they understand each other better than anyone else could right now.

So she can’t tell him he’s going to get a happy ending. Because she’s not even sure that she will.

 

She’s not sure that she even knows what it means to get a happy ending anymore.

 

He takes a breath and nods, squeezing her hand real quick before pushing it away. “Rantings of an old criminal.”

 

Kate feels him retreating back to that place she still wants to sneak into, but she lets him.

 

They both sleep that night, tequila and and the dark blanket of the night heavy enough to let them. Kate throws the blankets off her in the middle of the night, and sees Seth clinging to a spare pillow.

 

There’s an ache in her chest for him. She crosses the thin, crusted carpet between their beds and slips into his. Lays down slowly, watching his chest move with each deep breath he takes. Kate still feels the tequila thick in her limbs as she runs her hand down his arm.

 

Seth stirs, coughing a little before his eyes find hers. “Kate?” His voice cracks, still heavy with sleep.

 

She pulls the pillow from his arms and rolls over, pressing her back against him and wrapping his arm around her. Kate can feel his warm breath on the back of her neck as he says her name again, like a question.

 

“Just shut up and sleep.” Kate closes her eyes, hoping for him to be brave and just let them have this comfort. He settles against her, the heavy weight of him hot on her back and holding her down. His hand finds hers and their fingers wind together. She pulls their clasped hands up to her chin and sighs, her eyes closing, mind already drifting away.

 

Kate feels him bleed into her some more, feels her bleed into him.

 

She dreams of deep, dark and gorgeous nothing that night.

 

\--

 

Seth is dulled, unfocused.

 

They get cornered and Kate has to pull out her back up blade, takes down two culebras. There’s part of her that wonders for a second why she doesn’t flinch anymore when she rams it into their chests, feels the shower of blood on her face. Wonders when that happened.

 

Seth is struggling with a third, Kate sees it throw him to the floor. It’s ready to pounce, hissing down at him, and Kate grabs a pool cue. She runs at it, jamming the cue in its back and clean through to the older side.

 

Seth swears as ash falls down all over him. Kate just looks down at him, chest heaving, and throws the cue to the floor. It lands with a sharp crack as she turns, leaving him there to follow her if he wants to.

 

\--

 

Kate still reads the bible sometimes. There’s one in every nightstand of every hotel they stay in, like the Holy Scripture is on her trail.

 

Kate sees the words differently now, thinks of them in a new way. It’s still not in her to deny them, but she questions them now. Kate will sit by the window, fingers brushing over the lines she knows so well. Sometimes she finds herself playing with the cross around her neck like a comfort.

 

Her mother’s gold cross - she wears it because the love of her mother is the only thing she can be sure was ever genuine.

 

Seth will catch her, just tilting his head down at the book in her lap. “Finding inspiration, sis?”

 

Kate sighs, trying to ignore him. “Old habits.”

 

He nods, sitting across from her at the table. “I got those by the poundful.” He’s quiet for a moment before he opens his mouth again like she knew he would. “What you ever get from that book, anyway?”

 

Kate looks up at him, surprised to see sincerity in his eyes. She tries to find the right words to explain it to him, because she doesn’t feel the same way about the Word anymore.

 

“I don’t know.” Is what she says, the words falling from her mouth before she can catch them. “I still believe in God. I believe he’s real and watching us. I just don’t know what that means anymore.”

 

Kate strokes the soft edge of a ripped out page, wonders who would rip a page from a bible and why they needed it so bad. “I just know believing in something is easier than not. It’s easier to think someone or something is in control when you feel you have none.”

 

Seth pulls out his own form of religion, the white prescription bottle from his pocket like a blade to his throat. He pops the top and Kate reaches out to stop him.

 

“What do you get from that?”

 

He looks at her like he’s going to tell her to mind her own business, or to leave. But his eyes soften and he just shakes his head. “It makes everything blurry. Less sharp. It dulls the world, princess.”

  
“Why would you want that?”

 

“Because it hurts.”

 

The confession is like a blow to her gut. Kate knows Seth is in pain, knows he has demons that cling to him, sharp razor claws never letting go. But he’s never said as much.

 

“Seth, you have to stop eventually. You can’t take them forever.”

 

He just sighs and rubs his hand over his face. “Since I was a kid I’ve felt this -- this fucking panic in my chest. It’s always there, even if I’m sitting doing nothing, it’s just part of me. It’s worse than a cop on your trail or a goddamn culebra chasing you down because it doesn’t have to find me, it’s always got me.”

 

He slams the bottle of pills onto the table and she starts, watching as he plays with it. “Fuck, Kate. Sometimes it’s too damn much. I can’t breathe, I can’t think. When I was in prison, I -” He swallows, hand shaking as he lets the bottle tip over. “I was the lowest I’ve ever been.”

 

Kate lets that hang in the air, doesn’t know what to say. She can feel hot tears behind her eyes wanting to slip onto her cheeks but she grips the bible in her lap and fights them.

 

Seth looks up at her and he smirks, almost sad. “Do you know you’re the fucking bravest person I’ve ever met?”

 

Kate just laughs, the sound wet and thick in her throat. “Are you kidding?”

 

“No. That’s why you can’t understand this.” He picks up the bottle, shaking it. “You don’t need to escape, because you face your shit head on.”

 

Kate just stands up, grabbing the bottle and running to the bathroom. “Kate!” Seth follows her, reaching for the door just as she closes it. Kate lets the tears fall from her eyes finally, searing hot on her skin, as her hands shake opening the bottle.

 

“Goddamn it, Kate!” Seth bangs on the door as she tips it into the toilet, throwing the empty bottle to the floor and flushing. She watches the white pills swirling before they’re gone. She wipes her face, breathing heavy, nothing but hot anger in her chest.

  
Kate pulls the door opening to find Seth glaring down at her. “What the fuck, Kate?”

 

She just pushes at his chest, hitting him. “You think I can’t understand escape? You fucking asshole!” Kate keeps hitting his chest until he stumbles back against the dresser.

 

Kate stares up at him, out of breath, out of control. “I can’t be brave for you.”

 

Seth’s eyes soften, he just shuts them and sighs. “I know.”

 

Kate’s voice is small and cracks with a sob. “I can hardly be brave for myself.”

 

Seth just leans down, cupping her face in his hands. “That’s not true, Kate. I would fucking fall apart if I went through what you have. You’re amazing, I can’t - Kate, Jesus Christ.”

 

Kate wraps herself around him, burying her face in his chest. Seth picks her up, carrying her to the bed and sitting down with her in his lap. He just holds her, rubbing his hand over her back until she stops sobbing, until the stabbing in her heart dulls down.

 

“I’m sorry.” Seth whispers when it’s turned quiet in the room.

 

Kate pulls herself from his chest, running her hand down her face. She knows she looks like a mess, feels her face red and hot. Seth reaches up, hand shaking, brushing her hair back. His fingers stroke over her cheek like she’s something delicate he doesn’t want to break.

 

“You’re my escape.” Kate says, voice soft.

 

Seth shakes his head, thumb brushing the corner of her mouth. “I’m not good for anybody.”

 

Kate can’t stop herself from touching his face, too. Softly, over his cheek, tracing his jawline where it leads down to his neck. Back up, down the slope of his nose. His eyes flutter close and she traces her fingertips over his eyelids, feels the softness of his long lashes. She notices all the grey hairs in his hair and beard, loves every one of them.

 

“Please, Seth. Stop believing in that.”

 

He opens his eyes and smiles sadly. “Old habits.”

 

Kate shakes her head, licks her lips and takes a breath. “I can’t lose you.”

 

Seth leans down, kisses her neck and Kate feels her pulse flutter. He presses his face into her throat and sighs. “Can’t lose you either.”

 

\--

 

That night they stay wrapped around each other. Kate takes a shower, washing the dried tears from her face and letting the hot water sting her skin.

 

When she gets in bed Seth just pulls her close, breathing her in. She wants to kiss him, but she wants to stay like this, too.

 

Kate lays on her side, Seth on his, they face each other and Seth keeps stroking her face. Kate reaches out and traces the flames of his tattoo, all the way up to his neck where the new addition is still healing. “Why’d you get this, anyway?”

 

Seth shifts closer, runs his hand down her back and Kate gasps as he pulls her to him. “Started it because of Richie, always meant to finish it. Figured it was time.”

 

Kate can feel all of him pressed to her front, his thigh slipping between hers. They’re only underneath a sheet but the room feels hot like it’s filled with sunlight. “Some sort of symbol?”

 

“I’m finished with him.”

 

It’s so quiet, Kate can’t even hear any traffic out in the dark streets. All she can hear is their breathing. “Really?”

 

“Are you finished with Scott?”

 

Kate tries not to think about her brother. What he could be doing, what he’s become. But there’s still this invisible connection she has to him, she can still feel it. Even if he was adopted, it never felt like that to her. They had an instant bond.

 

Kate shakes her head, running her fingers through Seth’s hair. “No.”

 

Seth just sighs, curling his hand in her shirt at the small of her back. “Yeah.”

 

It’s just silent for a bit, both of them just caught up in touching, thinking. Kate brushes her fingers over his lips and he kisses them. Kate sucks in a breath, feels her body flush.

 

“El Rey. El Rey was never a place for me, really. Ever since I was a kid, El Rey was a wish. Either I was a cowboy or a criminal, too tough to let anything hurt me.” Seth’s palm traces hot down her thigh and Kate can’t help it, she whimpers. “Sometimes I was just a kid in a nice family, with parents that loved him.” He chuckles bitterly. “At least I’m a criminal.”

 

Kate just thinks in silence for a minute. Lets Seth tickle the back of her knee, pull her leg over his hip. She’s never been this close to anyone before, never gone past quick touches in secret places. This is slow and unhurried, it makes her feel her blood like honey in her veins.

 

“I believe in fate. But I don’t think everything is set in stone.”

 

Seth laughs, kissing her nose. “You gonna give me that ‘only you have the power’, speech?”

 

Kate just sits up, pushing him back and sitting on his lap. He looks up at her like he can’t quite believe she exists and Kate feels her cheeks redden. “Who do you want to be, Seth?”

 

He sits, gripping her hips and holding her close. She can feel him, hard against her stomach, and she feels dizzy and powerful and happy. “Yours.”

 

She laughs, feeling light in her chest. “That’s not an answer.”

 

“I want to belong to Kate Fuller.” He says, hush against her neck. Lips hot, tongue wet beneath her ear. Kate moans, biting her lip and rubbing herself over him.   
  
“God, Kate. I can stop, for you. I will. Whatever you want, wherever you want to go. If you want to keep pulling jobs, hunting -”

 

Kate just nips at his jaw. “I don’t know.”

 

He shakes his head, hands all over her, slipping beneath her shirt and pulling it over her head. They’re only lit by moonlight from the dirty hotel window, shades creating patterns across her skin, but he looks at her and groans.

 

Kate strokes his cheek, presses her forehead to his. “I feel like it’s been… consuming me.”

 

Seth nods, kissing her chin as he slips his hands up her sides, over her breasts. “It does that.” He breathes against her mouth, lips just brushing hers. They still haven’t kissed, and Kate feels like she might die if they don’t.

 

“We can find El Rey, we can make our own.” Kate says, and his lips come crashing onto hers.

 

Kate moans, tongue finding his right away. It’s dirty but slow, his beard scratching her chin but she likes it. Wants all of it, all of him. The light and the dark, the good and the bad.

 

Kate knows she’s not just a good person anymore, but that’s okay. She doesn’t think she was always meant to just be good. There’s more to the world than that, more beyond the reds and the blues. Kate wants to become a color all her own.

 

Seth touches her all over, leaves marks on her body. She leaves marks on him, too. When she comes, Seth deep inside her, breathing against her neck how much he needs her, Kate tells him she loves him.

 

“God, love you more than anything, princess.”

 

\--

 

They drive.

 

Kate takes a drag from a cigarette, another bad habit she can’t break. Blows the smoke out the open window and lets the burn fill her chest.

 

Seth grabs it from her fingers and places it between his lips.

 

“Hey! You don’t even smoke.”

 

He shrugs, grins at her with it hanging from his mouth. “I can start.”

 

Kate just rolls her eyes and takes his hand. She sits back, watching the uncharted road in front of them. Kate doesn’t know if they’re driving towards a happy ending or just an ending, but she doesn’t feel scared.

 

She still has her crossbow in the trunk.

 

Seth passes her the cigarette and she smiles.

 

 


End file.
